Mocha and Cream

It was inevitable: I’ve started to develop a crush on a girl in one of my classes.

What’s not to like? She’s intelligent, she’s confident, she writes, she has an adorable smile and disarmingly lovely eyes. I would describe her skin tone as “mocha” if I had to come up with a word for it. I honestly don’t know that much about her, but she smiles whenever I catch her eye.

I used to be terrified of asking a girl out, but now I just need to steel myself for a moment and then I do it. I don’t have a fancy preamble, no pick-up lines, just a nervous, vulnerable and earnest question. So why haven’t I asked her already? Well, it still isn’t easy, even though I can do it now. The question is infinitely harder if there’s anyone else within earshot to hear me ask, I always prefer to ask when we’re alone. Trouble is, reality doesn’t always offer such a moment. This means I have to psych myself up twice as much to ask.

I guess I could be a little intimidated by her being “black” but the more that time goes on, the less I see any barrier based on race. I figured there would be some kind of learning curve, much like if someone wanted to start getting into nerd culture (no, seriously, we’re intelligent people with a lot of hobbies that often have a lot of rules of their own or an investment of time, it’s genuinely daunting to outsiders). However, I find that black (or African-American, or whatever might be politically correct at the time period and location you are reading this) culture isn’t so unapproachable or hard to understand. I’m sure I have plenty left to learn, but it seems within reach.

Perhaps it doesn’t have to do with any of that, maybe I just want to have my life in order before I ask someone out. I know there are plenty of people going to college who live with their parents and commute to save money just like I do, but it makes me feel like I don’t have enough to offer in a relationship. Maybe it would be reasonable to wait, but my feelings have never gotten along with my logical thought processes. Why not get to know her better? Why not ask her out?

I look at you
you look at me
it’s too late for subtlety
it’s obvious I looked
at you
to be looking at you;
but you smile at me
I smile at you
as if to say
“It’s okay,
I was looking at you too.”
And you’re so pretty
in that moment
that all I want to do
is to mix the cream that’s me
with the mocha that is you
until we are one drink,
so I can drown
in you.


2 thoughts on “Mocha and Cream

  1. *beams* the promise of tomorrow, the elation of possibilities, the fluttering of the heart at what is and what could be. I am pleased beyond measure, my friend.

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