Lonely Night

I’m lonely.

It’s not a constant state, exactly. Yes, I often daydream and ponder relationships, but my life isn’t entirely in order so I’m in no hurry to rush a relationship right at the moment. It’s not that I miss someone particular tonight either; I’m past any considerations of returning to a previous relationship or crush. I’ve gotten better at ignoring the feeling, distracting myself, making it part of the smooth Zen backdrop of life. Tonight, though, I feel it in my chest.

Aching hearts may be cliché, but I’ve always felt the pang in my chest. It goes about as low as the stomach, certainly not past the lower ribs, and spreads up above my sternum equally on both sides (so, not just the heart), sometimes as high as my collarbone with a tickling sensation. Most of the feeling is a combination of these three feelings: 1. Tension, like tightened muscles held in place too long. 2. A dull ache, like a bruise that has mostly healed or has only just started. 3. A feeling of need; I can only liken this last one to being somewhere between the sensation of being hungry and the sensation of a slowly-building orgasm that never releases. It’s the physical feeling of need, at least for me. Those three together create something akin to the physical sensation I get when I’m lonely.

I’m sure the feeling will pass, so I won’t go mourning my fate. I just thought that if I let some of it out here it might fade a little faster. I’ll be fine. Really.

arms that want to fold around you
contented cuddles or comfort’s cradles;
torso seeking arms that want
to fold around
in comfort cuddles;
neck that longs to feel the brush
of fingers tracing, lips embracing
feels almost feminine to indulge
that range of vulnerable skin;
lips that love to linger long
and trace my heart upon your fields –
smooth hills and vales and pleasure trails
make mouthfuls of my joy;
eyes shining in shimmered pools
that catch a casting glance full well –
don’t look away! Wouldn’t you like
to linger on a spell?

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